Hello everycat and welcomes to Macy's Byooty Korner! For this blogisode, we be discussing "How to Get your Beans' Attenshun."
Step 1: Be sure to grooms yourself regularly. If you be stinky, the beans will give you a BATH and that's the BAD kind of attenshun. Kilroy calls me stinky, but I prefers the term "aromatic." You see, I clean a LOT, despite what he says. If you are like me and have a lots of FLOOF, you unnerstand how much effort it takes to be byootiful!
Step 2: Posishun yourself where your beans will find you, but don't let them know that you planned it that way! When they ask things like, "Oh, Macy! What are you doing in my clothes drawer?", it's best to casually yawn and stretch as if to say, "Oh, I'm in your clothes drawer? Hmm, wonder how I got here. Oh well, you might as well gives me lufs now that I'm here!"
Step 3: Every now and then, you gotta show your beans just HOW cute you can get. The belleh is a good place to start, cuz beans just can't resist bellehs (I don't know why). *Sigh* As much as it pains me to do so, I must admits that I learned this move from Kilroy. You turn over onto your back, push your paws into the air and say, "Hey mommeh... LOOK AT MAH BELLEH!"
And then mommy becomes a mess of baby words. It's up to you to decide whether you would like to take those belleh rubs as attenshun or if you'd like to yootilize that opportunity to give the bitey to your bean's hand. I like to mix it up and keep my hooman on her toes - she never knows if I'm gonna bite or not!
Step 4: If none of that works (and your litterbox just happens to prong you in the butt), then pee everywhere. Your hoomans will definitely give you attenshun then.
On a last note, NEVER EVER let your beans be the boss. It be necessary to be firm with them because they has to be trained properly. It can take from a few weeks to a few years to break a hooman in, so remember to be gentle but firm! Mess with their minds, jump on their heads, scratch their sofas, and in no time you'll has good hooman servants to give plenties of attenshun.